I've found little to write about the past few months. I have done hardly anything to speak of since I've returned from Japan. I got a job about two weeks ago, it's my first paying job since I was laid-off by Ritz camera in April. I am interning at a local newspaper which has been interesting although I don't always feel as though it's necessary, some of the things I shoot for them, and I have found it progressively harder and harder to find interesting events to shoot. If you asked me a year ago what I was doing with my photography I'd tell you that I'm trying to become a wedding photographer, but I haven't even shot a wedding yet. I did get paid $30 for a cd of ballroom dance shots a week ago which was quite gratifying.
I can't really tell if I'm looking at things in a pessimistic way or just seeing reality. All I've done in the past few months is fool around on the computer or play video games as I let my responsibilities slip away along with what feels like my life. I miss my friends in other countries and my friends who are off at college and at the same time I'm wishing I was them without the responsibilities that currently loom in my mind.
Spending too much time at home leaves you somewhat lost, dazed and completely unmotivated.
A piece of paper with words written upon it, that's how I feel. I don't know what the words say or what the writer intends to write next. Maybe that has something to do with why I haven't had inspiration to write.
I did come to realize something about myself which I am thankful for. I've realized that I had always looked at my hopeful relationships as "I really like this person" and then sex pops into my head. I ended up scaring myself from the idea of thinking about sex when I think whether I like this person or not. Because of this I happened upon the thought that I don't want to have sexual relations even if the chance arose until I know for sure that I care about this person in the appropriate way. I feel that I understand how I work better as well, I like to move into everything I do slowly and it's the same with relationships although this whole time I've thought I want to get into a relationship NOW.
