Honor

It's been interesting watching how all of the events related to Japan and Libya have played out the last couple of days.  For about 7-8 days everything was about Japan and the nuclear reactors, now I hardly see anything about that but I keep hearing about the air strikes in Libya by the Allied forces and the controversies over it.  It's interesting to see how the media deals with news, interesting, but not unexpected.  I'm still thinking about Japan, I still want to go and help if I can.  For right now I don't foresee a way to get over there.  Oil prices are still high from what's going on in the Middle East which is having a strong effect on the price of an airplane ticket.  Even if I were able to procure a ticket I would still have to weigh whether the health side effects of possibly being near radiation is worth it... I'm not sure I'm going to choose to buy a ticket to radiation though.  I'm still waiting to see how things progress but Japan's government sure hasn't helped in assuring me that things are under control or that the government is being honest and straightforward with their citizens.  I have a feeling that the atomic situation is a bit more than we're led to believe, at least the Japanese are led to believe.  Everyone in the US seems to be sold on Cali, Hawaii and Alaska's plume of radiation killing everything, fear gets the better of us I suppose though.  Buying Iodine tablets doesn't prevent against all sorts of radiation and in most cases is not a benefit to your health to take too many or any if not necessary.  What people here don't get is that the concentration of radiation across the Pacific in Japan is much more serious than any radioactive materials we might have gotten here.  My thoughts turn to the workers inside the nuclear plants trying to gain a firm grasp on the situation so no one else gets hurt.  Such dedication to a people and a nation, I wouldn't expect less from the Japanese.  This whole catastrophe has been handled by the Japanese in the most respectable of ways.  If anything like this happened in the US you'd see all sorts of people stealing and disputes arising between people.  For a nation which thinks so much of itself we sure don't know how to cooperate with each other during dire times.  I shouldn't speak quite so harshly of Americans, we did manage to pull together during 9/11, that was the first time I had ever felt proud to be an American and proud of our nation.  If we could only manage to carry ourselves in such a honorable manner all the time.

Hopes and prayers...

It's completely irrational but I'm so aggravated...  Aggravated about everything that's happening in Japan.  The earthquake, tsunami and now the chance that there could be a nuclear disaster...  Completely frustrating.  I want so badly to help Japan, not just to donate money to the red cross or something like that, I want to be there, I want to help them recover, and as a photographer, to document everything that has happened.  I had before decided against going to Japan because of financial matters but now if I'm able to then I will for sure, I'm trying to find ways that might aid me in achieving this goal.  I spoke with both my friends Hossan and Haseyan yesterday.  Hossan is living in Nagano with his wife Chie, far from the danger of the earthquakes and tsunami, although Chie's family lives in Sendai, one of the hardest hit regions of Japan.  I was quite relieved to hear from Hossan that Chie's family is ok!  Hossan mentioned to me that he would like to contact Haseyan if at all possible because Haseyan is now in San Diego and difficult to contact from Japan.  Hossan is trying to figure out what he should do to help with recovery in the most effected regions of Northern Japan which is why Haseyan could be of great aid to him.  Haseyan has traveled to Sri Lanka to help them recover from their deadly tsunami in 2004 and he also has quite a bit of experience building and volunteering elsewhere.  I spoke to Haseyan later that night, he seemed very calm and collected about it all, much more relaxed than I feel.  I'm not sure if he was or is now aware of how many died or of the great damage caused yet.  I hope with so much of my heart that Japan can recover from this and that people in Japan find some sort of relief from the hopes and prayers from the international community and the unaffected areas of Japan.

Perfection

I often times have difficulty feeling satisfied with my art whether it be drawing, ceramics, painting or photography.  I always feel like it's not good enough, never fulfilled or if I am it's only for a short time.  It makes me feel sort of depressed sometimes because I definitely feel that my ability at art, sort of what I'm best at, reflects who I am, it's my identity.  I feel this way even though my friends and family both enjoy what I do.  That leads me to a new subject.  Does one practice art for themselves or for others.  I can only speak for myself but I'm not sure I would have as much drive to do it if I knew that people weren't going to appreciate it afterwards.  I suppose that for me it's a source of expression but would we feel a need to express ourselves if there were no one to express our feelings to?  I would guess not.  I feel like there are a lot of artists that I look up to that seem to put on a facade of doing art exclusively for themselves.  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's not a facade, maybe I'm just not in that place in my life where I can feel completely comfortable making art for myself, without the judgment from people on the outside.  As humans we are so social that I cannot think that there are any artists that would not be effected in some way by their social group.  It's a difficult question to answer.

War! What is it good for?!

Ever since I became interested in becoming a photographer I've known that photojournalism is what I wanted to do.  I took my first photography class in the spring of 2008, since then I have worked at a camera shop, shot 3 weddings, won 1st place in photography at my schools art show and a student purchase by my school, Asheville Buncombe Tech.  I'm very grateful that all this has happened to me but at the same time I feel as though I have strayed from the path of the photojournalist.  When I first began shooting I was actually making photographs that were reminiscent, in certain ways, to some of my favorite photographers' shots.  That was back when I shot black and white film, when I had absolutely no idea how to operate a camera and I was just flying by the seat of my pants, so to speak.  I'm not sure how it happened but since that time I feel I have regressed in a sense.  Although now I'm far more knowledgeable about my art and have acquired a decent set of equipment, I seem to be lacking the certain spirit or enthusiasm to shoot in a photo-journalistic way.  It's not that I don't like photojournalism anymore, just that I feel so far away from it at the moment.  When I invested into my digital camera I loved it! I still love it, but I feel like I betrayed my true passion after I began to shoot with a digital camera.  I think it is time to relearn my craft...

Recently I have been researching photojournalism, specifically war-photojournalism.  As I think more and more about it I wonder to myself why I want to do a job which involves so much violence.  I can't say that I have an answer to give you regarding that... All I can say is that I feel like it's an important part of dealing with war in a positive way, someone has to photograph those areas which others don't dare to cover.  Currently in Northern Africa there's a great deal of turmoil over political leaders.  Both the governments of Egypt and Tunisia have already gave way to popular protests by the people in which their leaders stepped down with little violence.  Libya is dealing with a great deal of violence, Gaddafi, the past revolutionary turned leader of Libya refuses to relinquish rule leading to a great deal of fighting.  I find irony in the fact that he was once a revolutionary and now his people revolt.. haha.  The whole situation makes me feel like I want to be over there where I could hopefully make a difference.  So many people talk about the huge difference photographs from Vietnam played and I want to be part of the driving force that enforces that change.  I think that the media is so full of bullshit right now and I'm not inferring that once I become a journalist that there wont be all the bullshit but maybe I could start my own new agency, something private run off of a blog or something similar.  If anyone's interested one of my inspirations is a guy named Dan Eldon, he was a photojournalist and a very interesting person who seemed to enjoy life.  The phrase "Dance like no one is watching" seems to be how he lived his life.  It's extremely unfortunate but he was killed by a very angry mob in Africa as he and a few other journalists arrived on the scene of a US ordered bombing.  All but one of the journalists were stoned to death... the other escaped.  I have many photojournalists I admire but Dan Eldon was a person who's life philosophy is extremely admirable.  If anyone is interested in learning more about him, his family published two books, "The Journey is the Destination" and "Dan Eldon: The Art of Life".
I started to feel like I was reporting for PBS or something as I got further into this blog entry haha.